Healing from child sexual abuse is possible. The lives of children who have been sexually abused will be forever changed, but there have been many wonderful examples of children healing from sexual abuse and they do go on to live out caring and productive lives. Some children may be ready to talk about the abuse and deal with it soon after it happened. Others may need to move more slowly, gradually testing the safety of addressing the issues that arise. Children do best with a combination of love and support from their parents and the support from a professional counselor whose area of expertise is counseling children who have been sexually abused. Whomever you choose, establish trust as soon as possible.

Healing is an on-going process. As this process unfolds, the child will ideally move from victim to survivor to thriver. Developmental stages, particularly adolescence and young adulthood, may trigger old feelings about the abuse. For example, the time when an adolescent's body begins to develop physically, or when he or she marries, becomes a parent or even when they have a child the same age they were when the abuse started. All of these events may resurface old feelings and memories. Some people might need to resume counseling at various times throughout their lives. This is to be expected and can be very helpful to get them through tough times during the course of their life.

So many factors can influence the extent of damage to the abused child. While parents cannot erase what happened to their child in his/her life, they have the opportunity to provide their child with new and healthier experiences.

If you were sexually abused, you are not alone and YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME.

The following are some ideas, which survivors and their loved ones have found helpful in their recovery.

Some Things You Can Try:

Seek Counseling and Talk About the Abuse: Sharing your story with people who listen supportively and understand what you have experienced, is crucial to your recovery. Look for safe people who you can trust. You get to decide who to tell, what to tell, when to tell, and how to tell. When seeking a professional counselor, be sure to find someone who specializes in sexual abuse. Know though, that most survivors experience tremendous relief and are able to begin the healing process once they have told.

Build Your Support Network: Develop a network of supportive friends, family members, and/or professionals who can be available to you to offer their support when you experience the fear, pain, and other feelings and experiences of the healing process. Find out who is available before you are in crisis, so when the crisis comes, your support network will already be in place.

Emergency List: Many survivors create an emergency list for themselves and keep it in an accessible place. The list may include ideas for getting your needs met and taking care of yourself in the event that you are re-traumatized. The list can also include simple suggestions like breathing, using the telephone to call a friend, getting a stuffed animal and hugging it, checking in with your body, or going to a safe place.

Self Care: As you progress in your recovery, make it a priority to learn healthy self care. When you were abused, you were taught to put your needs last and to take care of the needs of the perpetrator, any silent accomplices, and perhaps other siblings or family members. Now it is time to learn to take care of yourself. Healthy self care varies from person to person. It can include such things as nourishing your body with healthy food you enjoy, getting rest when you need it, allowing yourself to get your touch needs met in ways that feel comfortable and safe, taking a warm bubble bath, doing yoga or tai chi, drinking plenty of water, or perhaps buying yourself a gift or writing yourself a loving card.

Be Gentle With Yourself: Recovery is a process and takes time. You will not get there overnight. You can set a goal of treating yourself with the same compassion and understanding as you would extend to others who have been wounded and are in the healing process. You will gradually learn to love yourself better and have patience with yourself as you progressively replace old, unhealthy coping patterns with a new way of living.

Talk Yourself Innocent: It is natural for a child to assume that bad things are happening to her/him because of something he/she did. Many times perpetrators blame their victims for their own atrocious behavior. Other adults, in whom a child confides, may also assign blame to the child directly or indirectly. A child who has been sexually abused is ALWAYS INNOCENT. The perpetrator is 100% responsible for his/her hideous choices. Even though you may have internalized the blame for the abuse, you can talk yourself innocent. When you catch yourself in self blame, you can notice the feelings and be present with them, and at the same time you can remind yourself that you were not responsible for the abuse.

First Things First: Sometimes it is helpful to stop yourself from spinning in emotional circles and simply ask yourself: "What do I need to do to take care of myself right now?" It may be as simple as getting some food or just going to the bathroom.

Art Therapy: I have an entire page dedicated to, Expression Through Art. Sometimes when there are so many emotions swirling about, it's easier to express those emotions through journaling, drawing, poetry or even writing short stories. Always remember you have the right to feel anyway you feel, during the healing process. What is healing about putting it down on paper, is being able to go back, months or even years later, to see where you were at that time and how far you have come.