1. BELIEVE
YOUR CHILD!
Sadly, it is believed that more than 30%
of all children who are sexually abused, never tell anyone about their abuse. 99.5% of the children
who do tell someone they are victims of sexual abuse, do not lie. (Fabricated sexual abuse reports constitute only
1% to 4% of all reported cases...the same percentage of false reporting as any other major crime. Of these reports,
75% are falsely reported by adults and 25% are reported by children. Therefore, children only fabricate ½% of the time.)
It's not a fun topic to talk about. The child is embarrassed, scared, has probably been threatened about
telling the "secret" and they feel guilty and think
the abuse was their fault. A major fear for any child victim is being afraid they will not be believed. This
has probably been enforced by the abuser, "No one will believe you...you are just a kid. I'm an adult
and everyone will believe you are nothing but a liar."
Be
sure to praise your child for being brave enough to break the silence and "tell".
2. GET HELP!
Call your local police and report the crime. Get psychological help for the child and for YOURSELF. You
have to learn how to take care of yourself so you can take care of your
child. The entire family will be affected by this and you should all get help. You don't have to
go through this alone. There is help available at little or no cost.
Call your local Child Advocacy office and/or your local Child Victim's Center. They offer numerous
services at their facilities (free counseling) and can also recommend private counselors who specialize
in sexual abuse against children.
3. PRESS CHARGES!
Fully cooperate with the investigation. I know you are a psychological wreck right now with all that has
occurred. However, this may be your only chance to be an advocate
for your child. This decision could effect you all for the rest of your lives and your child DESERVES JUSTICE!
Don't be afraid. Most courts have a Victim's Advocate to walk you and your child through the court process and they are there to help YOU AND YOUR CHILD so you
are not alone. There are tours of the court for you and your child
and the advocate is there to support you and answer any/all of your questions so you will understand each
step of the legal process. The child molester MUST be held accountable for their crime so they can't hurt another child.
4. EDUCATE YOURSELF!
Go to your local library and find every book about incest/sexual abuse you can get your hands on and read them.
There are also books that are age appropriate for children. I have numerous books directed
toward all age levels, both sexes, etc. listed on the Resources page. They are all available
for purchase here online, from Amazon.com.
Children have to learn that sexual abuse is NOT THEIR FAULT.
5. SUPPORT EACH OTHER!
Do the best you can and support each other. Don't be afraid to cry. Be brave for your child but you
don't have to be strong all of the time. Take care of yourself and your child. Most of all, be patient. None of you will ever be the same
again and it will take time for all of you to learn how to heal.
6. SPEAK UP!
Talk
about it. You have nothing to feel guilty or embarrassed about. Child molesters are the most cunning and
manipulative people there are. You could NOT have prevented this. This is NOT your fault
and it most certainly is NOT the child's fault. We need to educate the public about the disastrous long term effects
of sexual abuse. The courts NEED to be more consistent and enforce the state statute
recommended punishments against child molesters. Until the pubic becomes educated about
all of the psychological dynamics involved in sexual abuse against children, nothing will change. The public is
finally becoming aware, after turning their backs for years, but we have a long way to go. Do whatever you can to make a difference in your own community
so another child won't ever have to endure this heinous crime!
