What to Say If a Child Tells You They Were Sexually Abused

The most important thing you can do is listen to the child and believe them and their story. The incidence of false reporting of incest and sexual abuse is the same as other false crime reporting; about 2%. This means that at least 98% of the reports of incest, rape, and child abuse are true. Think about that, listen, and get help for the child victim of incest.

Reassure the child that no matter what happens, you will always, always love them. Make sure they understand that the incest perpetrator will not have power over them because they reported the abuse.

Stay with the child. Ask if they want good physical contact like holding hands or hugging, and then follow through if they do want touch. And constantly reassure them that everything will be all right because they told and they will also be safe.

Here is a great example of how to react if a child tells you about an act of sexual abuse. Your reaction is critical to the child's entire life.

A child's mention of abuse that s/he is enduring will come out of the blue and freeze you with horror. Take a moment to weigh your answer and remain calm.
It is critical that however you respond, you make it clear to the child that they are safe in telling you about the abuse, and that you want to help them.
Be honest. Expressing horror is not a good idea, but loving concern is very appropriate: "I'm awfully sorry that's happened to you! Tell me more."
The child is expressing enormous trust in you, and is also asking for help. Talk to them about options and different courses of action. Gently get details: Who? What? Where? When?
Don't lie. If you swear to keep a secret, and the next day a bunch of social workers descend on the family, the child will feel betrayed. Talk with the child about your concern for them.
You don't have to have all of the answers. A perfectly good statement would be, "I don't really know a lot about this. How about I talk to an expert, and then come back and talk to you about it?"
Immediately contact a child abuse crisis center or a therapist. Get advice. Get facts. Many states have Mandated Reporter laws. Find out what your legal obligations are.
Work closely with the expert to take steps to help the child. Appropriate steps will depend on the severity of the child abuse, and also who the perpetrator is, whether a parent, a relative, or a neighbor.
If the child wants to swear you to secrecy, explain that your concern for them won't allow it. They will probably accept this -- they told you about the abuse in the hope that you would help them.
Work with the child, giving them a set of options they can choose from, to help them feel that they are still in control of the situation: "Would you rather we told your mom or your dad about what the neighbor did?"
Assure the child that you will be with them no matter what. As more people become involved, make sure that your focus remains on the child. Work closely with the expert you have consulted to minimize trauma.
Make sure the child knows that the fault -- every single, teensy little bit of the fault -- lies with the abuser, not with the child.
Thank the child for telling you, and for giving you the opportunity to help them. Make sure they know that your love and acceptance of them will never go away.
As the child gets therapy and begins to heal, work with the therapist for tips on how often you should bring up the abuse. Give the child authority to set boundaries about the subject.

Tips:

Make it clear that the child can tell you anything. Make sure they know they're safe in telling you this.
The child may worry that you will find them repulsive after they admit to sexual abuse. Make it clear that your love and respect and concern have only increased.
Do not handle this by yourself. Find an expert in the area. Find a child abuse crisis center or hotline, and get expert advice.
Never minimize the child's experiences. You have been chosen to receive an incredible leap of faith. Be honored. Show that you are worthy of receiving it.
Act. Find experts and act. Cancel your meetings, cancel your vacation and do whatever it takes. Nothing is more important than this. Act!