Dear Judge, GAL, Doctor of the Abuser, Commissioner, Pastor of the Abuser, Lawmaker, Counselor of the Abuser, Police Officer,
DFS Social Worker, Attorney for the Abuser and Visitation Supervisor:
No, I did not know my child was being sexually abused. If I had known, I would have stopped the abuse immediately, informed
the appropriate authorities and sought counseling for my child.
No, I could not have prevented the sexual abuse against my child. Believe me, if I had ESP and could have prevented the abuse,
I would have. I can only control my own actions. I cannot control the actions of a child molester, as much as I wish I could
have.
I will no longer allow any of you to blame me for any part in the sexual abuse against my child. The only person to blame,
when a child is sexually assaulted, is the person who sexually assaulted the child; no one else.
Once the abuse was revealed, if you choose to believe anything a child molester tells you, you are a fool. Child molesters
are manipulative, selfish and pathological liars.
No, I have not brainwashed my children against their father. My children's father CHOSE to sexually assault my children's
sister and HIS actions are what alienated his children from himself. Children are not adults, but they certainly aren't stupid.
Would you want to be forced to have a relationship with the man who told you he had repeatedly raped a child and then you
were smart enough to figure out it was your sister? And here are some trivia facts for all of you: Dr. Richard Gardner,
the man who coined the term, Parental Alienation Syndrome, killed himself, in May 2003, with a kitchen knife by repeatedly
stabbing himself in the chest and neck. He was viewed by many of his peers and collegues as a "quack". "Gardner was a consistent
advocate for fathers in custody battles, particularly fathers accused of child abuse. He made a number of controversial claims
regarding pedophilia, including the theory that pedophiles are much more punitively punished than necessary, and that judges
who rule against an accused pedophiliac father are likely closet pedophiles." He also claimed, "the child who has suffered
bona fide sexual abuse may very well have enjoyed the experiences." (Richard A Gardner, The Parental Alienation Syndrome
and the Differentiation Between Fabricated and Genuine Child Sex Abuse 1987) I also find it strange that when a mother tries
to claim their child is a victim of parental alienation by the child's father, the syndrome does not exist. But, when a father
claims their child is the victim of parental alienation by the child's mother, then many in the legal profession choose to
listen. Why is that? This certainly seems very bias to me and legally, I have read repeatedly that biases are not suppose
to be tolerated in the courtroom.
Children are not only sexually abused at night. Children are also sexually abused during daylight hours.
Children should never be allowed to live with a child molester. What is the difference between someone formally confessing
they sexually assaulted a child or whether they were actually convicted of sexually assaulting a child? That person admitted
he is a child molester regardless of whether or not he was convicted. Sometimes the victim is too afraid to cooperate with
authorities, which is the only reason an abuser is not charged after he confessed.
If a person formally admits to sexually assaulting a child, there is nothing alleged about it. He admitted the sexual abuse
occurred. Alleged is defined as, "declared but not proved". The term also infers the abuser may not have committed the abuse
since it wasn't proven. This is a lie when the abuser has already confessed. If someone formally confessed he is a child
molester, what more is there to prove?
Sexual abuse not only effects the child who was abused, but also the non-offending parent, any siblings and all of the people
who love that child. Child molesters victimize numerous people whenever they sexually abuse a child.
If a man sexually assaults his stepchild, it does not mean he will not sexually assault his biological child. When raising
children for many years, who all live in the same home full time, how does one distinguish any difference based solely on
biology?
If a man sexually abuses his child or stepchild, he should no longer be allowed a relationship with any of his children regardless
of whether he molested one or all of the children. How does anyone know if a child molester will ever reoffend or not? There
are no guarantees and you may not use my child, who has not been abused, as a guinea pig. Someone should never be "entitled"
to a relationship with any child based solely on DNA. Why would anyone risk the life of a child, who has not been abused,
so a child molester can have a relationship with that child? Please think of the safety of the child rather than the "wants"
of a child molester.
Seemingly "normal, educated and intelligent" people are apparently stupid and desperate enough to marry men who admitted
they are child molesters. Just because they are stupid, doesn't mean you should think the molester will never reoffend just
because he is married to someone you "assume" is intelligent. I would certainly think any person, with a child, who knowingly
marries a child molester has some pretty serious psychological problems of their own. How many millions of children have
to be sexually abused before it is no longer tolerated by anyone in society?
Emotionally healthy individuals would usually sever any type of relationship with a relative who sexually assaulted their
child. However, how would a parent justify severing a relationship with the man who sexually assaulted their children when
that parent is also a child molester?
If supervised visitation must be ordered, the abuser should pay any and all costs. He is a child molester and cannot be trusted
with children. The non-offending parent isn't to blame and did nothing wrong. They are already giving up their time and paying
for gas to drive the child to visitation. Why should they have to pay for any costs involved for the supervisor? Why is the
non-offending parent being financially penalized because of the actions of a child molester?
A child molester should never be given the opportunity to choose his own visitation supervisor. One of his family members
is not an appropriate supervisor. The family member loves and chooses to maintain a relationship with the abuser and will
protect the abuser. And a child molester is going to choose someone who will benefit himself...not the child.
Please do not waste your time trying to convince me that one hour per week of supervised visitation in such a sterile environment
is "in the best interest" of my child. Nothing you say or do will ever convince me these visits benefit my child. The only
person who benefits from these visits is the child molester. You are feeding his narcissistic need for attention by allowing
him to have an audience so he is able to "show off" how wonderful a parent he "thinks" he is to the supervisor. What is the
point to these visits? Do you honestly expect you will ever trust an admitted child molester to have unsupervised visitation
with the only child I have (out of 4) who hasn't been sexually abused by this man or his father? She is an innocent child.
She is not a guinea pig to be used as an experiment to see if an admitted child molester will ever reoffend again or not,
especially when he voluntarily quit sex offender treatment because his attorney advised him to; not because he finished the
program, was released or was "cured". There is no cure for sex offenders. So, do you expect supervised visitation to continue
for the next 10 years? What if my child wants to join cheerleading, which is only available on Monday nights? What if my
child wants to attend Bible School, which starts during visitation? What if my child is invited to a birthday party, which
is scheduled during visitation? What if my child just doesn't want to go to visitation one week? What if my child would
rather go swimming with her friends? What if I am ever ill? According to the rules, I am not allowed to be ill when a visit
is scheduled. What if me and my children want to take a vacation? According to the rules, I am expected to plan my vacation
around a 1 hour per week visit. When my daughter is older and is the age when she becomes easily embarrassed, what if a fellow
church member sees her at supervised visitation since the visits occur at the church we have been attending long before supervised
visitation was ever ordered? This is a court supervised visitation program and it just happens to be based at our church,
the place we hold sacred and is supposed to be our safehaven. Will you expect her to tell a friend or fellow church member
WHY she attends supervised visitation? Do you have any idea what it feels like to be forced to take your child to visit an
admitted child molester at your own church? Eventually, my child will babysit or will get a job. What if she has to work
or babysit when visitation is scheduled? If we do not show up, the visit is considered unexcused, I have to pay all of the
missed fees and it is also reported to the court. Every 120 days, a commissioner or a judge must formally order further supervised
visitation. Do you expect me to pay for an attorney and the court to keep this case open for the next 10 yrs? What if me
and my children want to move? Are you beginning to see how implausible this situation is? Have you even bothered to think
about what this scenario will be like in the future? I certainly have, considering this is my life and my children's lives
you people are involved with. WE have to live this life. You do not. After the newness of the visits wears off, my child
will get nothing from these sterile visits and it will only confuse him/her and make him/her wish and plead for any other
non-abusive man to be his/her "real daddy". Children are so much smarter and intuitive than most adults give them credit
for. Once again, please think of my innocent child's psychological best interests rather than the wants and desires of the
child molester. It's not the child's fault s/he shares his DNA.
What is the point of taking children to a highly educated, licensed therapist who has been trained to deal with sexually abused
children if you disregard that therapist's recommendations to abolish any type of relationship between a child and a parent
who admitted to sexually assaulting another child? Do you claim to also have the formal education and expertise as that therapist?
It seems to me you only chose to disregard a therapist's recommendations because they weren't the same as your own thoughts
and opinions. So, why am I paying a child therapist? Maybe I should start bringing my children to you for therapy and then
you will finally learn how traumatized my poor children have been because of the actions of two child molesters.
Locally, a mother was desperate enough to try and kill herself and succeeded in killing her child in order to protect her
from being further sexually assaulted by the child's father. (State of MO vs Debra Robbins) This mother now has to live with
the fact she killed her child and she is still alive, although now intellectually and psychologically handicapped. Another
mother (an old collegue and friend) gave up everything she had worked her entire life for: her career, her home, all of her
possessions and even her extended family because she was so desperate to protect her child from continued sexual abuse by
his father that she fled with her child to Costa Rica. (Bland vs Bland)(State of MO vs Carol Bland) She knew the FBI would
be searching for them but she fled the country anyway in order to keep her child safe from his father after she felt the court
had taken away all other options. Two years later, the FBI brought this poor woman back, in shackles, and threw her in jail
and put her child in foster care. Why? Because a loving mother was willing to make any type of sacrifice in order to protect
her child from being further abused after the court demanded she send her son to unsupervised visits with the man she knew
had molested her child. Why haven't you people learned anything from these preventable tragedies? Sharing DNA should not
entitle a child molester to the same benefits as a loving and caring parent. When you continue to allow contact between a
child molester and their child, mothers and fathers become desperate enough to do ANYTHING to keep their child from being
further traumatized and sexually abused. How long will it take you people to figure this out?
Please further educate yourselves about the psychological dynamics surrounding incest and sexual abuse so you do not assume
anything or say anthing ignorant to the child or his/her family. Unless you or your child have been sexually abused, you cannot
know or fully comprehend what that child and his/her family have already been through. Do not further victimize the child
and his/her family by what you think or what you say or by your actions. Do you comfort the child after the nightmares?
Do you comfort the child after the flashbacks? Do you hug that child while they sob? Do you watch that child struggle emotionally
because of the abuse a child molester inflicted upon him/her? Will you be there for that child for the rest of his/her life
when s/he has problems years from now because of the trauma from that abuse? If the answers are "No", think long and hard
about how your thoughts, words or actions will effect that child and his/her family for the rest of their lives, because you
certainly won't be around to try and counteract all of the damage caused by a child molester's sexual abuse.
I just shake my head in disgust and frustration because so many of you people are making major decisions for my children,
yet none of you have any formal education on how to even deal with child molesters or children who have been sexually abused.
Most of you people have never even met my children, yet feel you have the right to make decisions for them when you have
no idea how negatively those decisions are effecting them. And to those of you who have been told by the child's therapist
about the negative psychological effects and chose to disregard the therapist's recommendations, you certainly don't seem
to care about what is best for my children and seem more concerned with the rights of a child molester. My question to all
of you is...WHY? So many decisions, actions, words and orders have made no sense in this case.
Children are innocent and defenseless and need protection. Their rights should supersede any type of rights or privileges
of a parent if that parent has sexually assaulted any child. When will a child's right to guaranteed safety and emotional,
sexual and physical well-being be more important than any adult's rights to parent a child, when that adult has formally confessed
to being a child molester?
Respectfully submitted,
The Mothers of Sexually Abused Children
