Why Don’t Children Tell?

Most children don't tell even if they have been asked, refuse to talk about it or deny that something happened because:

• Are too young to put what has happened into words
• Were threatened or bribed by the abuser to keep the abuse a secret
• Fear that they will be taken away from their family
• Are afraid no one will believe them
• The abuser promised gifts or rewards for keeping the secret
• Blame themselves or believe the abuse is punishment for being "bad"
• Feel too ashamed or embarrassed to tell
• Worry about getting into trouble or getting a loved one into trouble

Possible Warning Signs and Symptoms of Sexual Abuse

Be aware that any of these symptoms or signs in a child may not necessarily mean he/she is a victim of sexual abuse. These are simply common characteristics children display when they have been abused and can be used to help identify possible problems in a child's life that warrants attention.

Physical Signs

• Underwear that is torn, stained, or bloody
• Difficulty walking or sitting
• Ulcers, colitis, anorexia or other stress related disorders
• Redness, pain, bleeding, or bruising in the external genital area, vagina, or anal area
• Unusual discharge from the vagina or anus
• Frequent, unexplained urinary infections or sore throats
• Sexually transmitted infections
• Pregnancy

Emotional Signs

• Clinical depression and feelings of suicide
• Lack of trust
• Change in response to adults or older children (although males account for over 90% of abuse, don’t rule out the possibility of female abusers)
• New fears or hysteria
• Low self-esteem

Behavioral Signs

• Clinging
• Sleep problems and/or constant nightmares 
• Bed-wetting, thumb sucking, or loss of bowel control
• Fear of undressing, or wearing extra layers of clothing
• Fear of going to the bathroom, refusal to have a bowel movement, or constipation
• Difficulty making friends
• Self destructive behaviors such as "cutting" themselves
• Getting to school early and staying late, to avoid being at home
• Marked fear of a person (including parents) or certain places
• Promiscuity, seductive behavior, or age inappropriate interest in sexual matters
• Persistent, inappropriate sex play with peers or toys, or excessive masturbation
• Truancy or dropping school performance
• Running away from home
• Abusing alcohol or drugs and sometimes bizarre sexual knowledge

 Sexual Abuse: The Online Risk

Children who use the Internet are also vulnerable to Internet predators. Among the possible warning signs of online sexual child abuse are these:

• Your child spends large amounts of time online, especially at night, and may turn the computer monitor off or quickly change the screen on the monitor when you come into the room.
• You find pornography on your child's computer.
• Your child receives phone calls or mail from people you don't know, or makes calls to numbers that you don’t recognize.
• Your child becomes withdrawn from the family.

Prevention

The best way to deal with child sexual abuse is still prevention. Most predators know their victims. If your child is ever reluctant to spend time with a particular adult, especially one who you believe has always been "so nice" to them, trust his or her instincts. Pay particular attention if an older child seems protective of a younger sibling around a particular person.