REDUCING THE RISK: KNOW THE FACTS

SEXUAL ABUSE IS a sexual offense against a child, such as rape, sodomy, engaging a child in sexual activity, or engaging a child in—or promoting a child’s—sexual performance.

DON’T BE FOOLED into thinking all child molesters are strangers, dirty old men, homosexuals, mentally disabled, or addicted to drugs or alcohol.

THE GREATEST RISK COMES FROM FRIENDS AND FAMILY, not strangers. 93 percent of victims know their abusers: 34 percent are abused by family members; 59 percent are abused by someone trusted by the family.

TIPS FOR PROTECTING YOUR CHILDREN:

l Abusers often try to earn the trust of potential victims and their families. This enables them to more easily gain time alone with the children. Abusers are drawn to settings where they can easily gain access to children: schools, sports leagues, clubs, etc.

l More than 80 percent of sexual abuse cases happen in one-adult/one-child situations.  Think carefully before leaving your child alone with one adult.  If possible, seek out group situations instead.  If you can’t avoid leaving your child in one-adult/one-child situations, drop in unexpectedly.

l Monitor your children’s Internet use.  One of the fastest growing ways pedophiles reach children is through the Internet.  Abusers may use the Internet as a tool to interact privately with children, with the ultimate goal of luring children into physical contact.  Kids have email accounts for their computers and other wireless devices.  The web is full of wonderful rich educational material...some of it far too educational for kids...even adults.  Many parents who are very worried about what someone might do sexually to their child have little or no concern for what the computer might be doing.  For a child, images can be as sexually damaging as touch.  Fortunately, there is a vast array of software and services for computer filtering of content, mail and websites and computer monitoring so you can see what they see.  Here are the recent most popular choices for computer parental control software.  There are people trying to get to hurt your child through that box on the desk.  Make sure you have the latest protection and use it.  Don't forget to use the parental controls on the TV too.

REDUCING THE RISK: COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR CHILD

OPEN, HONEST COMMUNICATION MAY BE THE BEST SEXUAL ABUSE PREVENTION TIP.  Communication, early and often, about sex and sexual abuse may decrease your child’s vulnerability to abuse and increase the chance they will tell you if they are abused.  Here are some tips:

l Always talk to your children about their daily activities.  Show interest in their feelings.  Encourage them to share their concerns and problems with you.

l Teach your children about the body, what abuse is, and about sex.  Teach them words that will help them feel comfortable discussing sex with you.

l Explain that no one has the right to touch them in a way that makes them uncomfortable, including adults whom they know and trust.

l Teach your children that it’s your job to protect them, and that you can protect them only if they tell you when something is wrong.  Explain that people who hurt children may tell the children to keep it a secret.  They may tell the children their parents will not believe them.  They might threaten to hurt the parents if the child shares the secret.  Teach your children that adults who say that are wrong, and that your children can share anything with you.

l Make sure your children understand that if someone does make them feel uncomfortable or confused, you will not blame them.  Reassure your children that sexual abuse is never the fault of the children.

REDUCING THE RISK:  UNDERSTAND CHILDREN

CHILDREN WHO HAVE BEEN ABUSED OFTEN KEEP IT A SECRET.  The more you know about why children keep it a secret and how they communicate when they do try to tell, the easier it will be for you to break down barriers to communication.

UNDERSTAND WHY CHILDREN KEEP IT A SECRET:

l They are afraid of upsetting or disappointing their parents. They may be too embarrassed to tell their parents.

l The abuser may threaten to hurt the child or the child’s family.  Children who do not disclose after the first encounter may be afraid or ashamed to tell when it happens again.

l Young children may not understand there is something to tell. They are taught to respect and obey adults, and many abusers tell children the abuse is “OK” or a “game.”

l Children may communicate in a roundabout way by saying something such as, “I don’t like to be alone with Mr. Jones.”  They may tell parts of what happened or pretend it happened to someone else to test an adult’s reaction.

l Children who do disclose abuse may tell an adult other than a parent.

l If adults respond emotionally or negatively to a disclosure, children will stop talking.