Monsters are scary. The stuff nightmares are made of. When you think of a monster, do you think of an ungodly creature with glowing red eyes, fangs and claws?
Did you know that monsters really do exist today? That you could be the monster in your own home, and relationship and not even realize it? Me either, but it does and can happen. I know, because I became that monster in my marriage.
I won't bore you with all the gory details, but you can imagine how a monster is. I was probably worse and didn't even know it. I never held the same spiritual believes as my husband did, I also didn't understand or trust his relationship with Christ or his church. Therefore, I became jealous of what I did not know and suspicious of what I thought I knew. I would get mad at him for time spent with the church, time spent with Christ and time spent in the Word. I felt he should have been paying more attention to me, our daughter or even just spend time doing household responsibilities. Song of Solomon 8:6 puts it pretty clear. " For love is strong as death. Jealousy as cruel as the grave." Jealousy is a vehement flame and nearly cost me my marriage.
Now, I want to be clear here, I absolutely believe that you should spend time with Christ and spend time in the word. I do not believe that Christ would want you to forsake your marriage or your commitments to do that. "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men." (Colossians 3:23)
Everyday, month and year the monster grew inside me. It would become mean and nasty with my husband concerning God and his spirituality especially. Little by little the monster chipped away at my husband until there was nothing left. He was like a robot on auto-pilot.
Then, of course, the monster now had new things to gripe about. Suddenly, the monster was mad that he was not the same man he had always been. Not the same man she had married. As you can probably imagine, my marriage was not going very well.
My husband announced one night after a fight that he was moving out. Talk about a blow to the stomach, something that no one would have ever seen coming. My eyes were opened immediately. My friends finally felt comfortable enough to tell me just how bad the monster had become, the monster had nearly become uncontrollable. Not only was the monster affecting our marriage, but my friendships as well.
From that day forward, I have worked hard to keep the monster caged. And at times it is no easy feat. Does this mean we don't have arguments in our marriage? Of course we do, we disagree and we move on. I don't tear my husband down as I used too. I have to remind myself to build him up daily. "Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
It is easy to become a monster and not know it. You can become a monster about laundry, the dishwasher and even about your kids. The best way to not become a monster is to continually seek Christ's guidance. James 1:19 says "Be quick to listen and slow to speak." Think about your words, think about your actions. Would you talk or act like that to Christ if he was sitting with you? Never, so don't do it to your loved ones. Be sure your words and your actions are building your relationships up and not tearing them down. Sometimes, easier said than done, I know. Remember we are all human, none of us is perfect. If you fail, just ask for forgiveness and start again. It will become easier and easier to build each other up.
Marriage is a precious gift from God. It should not be cast aside or tainted by a monster. Marriage is the place where you should feel safe, loved and cherished. Become a light for your spouse and not a monster hiding in the darkness.